Waiting 

I had my fourth beta draw this morning. 

My RE’s office wasn’t crowded, so I’m hoping I get the call earlier rather than later. 

My superstitious brain thinks earlier is better. Betas 1 and 2, I got the call before noon. Beta 3, came after 2. And all day that day I thought, “she’s waiting to call me last, because the news must be bad.”

So earlier is better, I hope. 

Despite all that, I’m surprisingly calm. 

1) The pressure is off this time, since I have a beautiful 2-year-old. I’m still fertility-challenged, but I’m not barren anymore. 

2) If the numbers are bad today, then it’s likely a chromosonal issue (we opted against PGS due to cost) and we knew that was a possibility. There’s nothing I could’ve done differently to change the outcome, and that is a relief. 

And so, we wait. 

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Waiting