Beta #4: Looking Up?

Beta number four was 1964.

So, a better rise than last time, still not doubled (but I know this is when that starts slowing down) and juuuuuuuust under what my RE considers average (66%).

But Dr. Google says its within normal range, so I don’t know what to think. ⤴️

The good news is, at this point blood tests aren’t going to tell us much more, so I’ll have my first ultrasound on Tuesday, and we’ll see what’s going on in there.

My nurse said if things look ok, and I’m measuring close to on time, I can expect weekly scans until they release me to my OB.

I am cautiously optimistic. My very first pregnancy, a chemical pregnancy, never made it to the third beta. I started bleeding almost as soon as they said, “these numbers don’t look good.”

They’re not saying that this time. I’m just a “smidge below normal,” but I have “a nice curve going on,” so I’m trying not to worry.

Beta 1: 216
Beta 2: 870 (96 hours)
Beta 3: 1208 (48 hours)
Beta 4: 1964 (48 hours)⤵️

Fingers crossed for Tuesday.

Beta #4: Looking Up?

Oh God, I Forgot What This Was Like

It’s been three-ish years since my last embryo transfer, and I’ve totally forgotten the insanity that follows. 

Did it work?! Of course it worked! No, it didn’t work. If it didn’t work, we’ll just try again. If it did work, what if I lose it? What if I have a baby on Christmas Day?! If it worked, when will we tell people? 

When can I start testing? Should I test early? I don’t want to get my hopes up. But I want to manage expectations. 

Last time I had tiny little twinges and pulls. When did those start? Should they have started by now? Oh god, it didn’t work. But I took naps yesterday and today, so maybe it did work. 

We should have transferred two. No, one was better. Twins scare the bejesus out of me. Oh, but twins would mean we were done-done. But it would also mean I’d be a crazy person for like four years. 

Was that a twinge?! Or was it gas? Why don’t my boobs hurt yet? It didn’t work. But they say every pregnancy is different, maybe I won’t feel pregnant at all, but it did work!

It’s been two days. 

Oh God, I Forgot What This Was Like

Lining Check, The Cyst, and Big Mouths

This morning I went in for my lining check, and everything looked good. They also confirmed the cyst on my ovary is gone. 

I start my progesterone tomorrow, and transfer is scheduled for Friday!

And then I got an email from my MIL’s friend, rsvp-ing to a party I’m helping her organize. I ended up telling my in-laws about the upcoming FET (that was not the plan) because of said party, and her repeated requests that I help with setting up tents, delivering food, etc. 

So her friend emailed to say she’d be at the party. Oh, and good luck with my IVF stuff!

While I appreciate the sentiment, and I actually like this woman very much, I HATE that everyone seems to know exactly what’s happening, and when. 

It leaves me (and really, only me, never DH) answering questions about if I’m pregnant. And if I am, either lying about it, or having to tell people before I’m ready. And God forbid, if I am, and then I’m not (been there), sharing that news as well. 

While I’m optimistic this cycle will work, at least if it doesn’t I’ll be able to drink my way through it at the party (conveniently scheduled the weekend after my first beta).

And if it DOES work, maybe I’ll just plan on carrying around a decoy glass of wine all night to throw them off the scent. 

Lining Check, The Cyst, and Big Mouths


A month ago, we had to skip our first IVF cycle back because I fucked up and forgot to get some lab work done. 

My nurse and I agreed, I should wait 30 days and then come in for no-menses bloodwork (because my cycles are always super long) so I could start my meds to bring on a new cycle, and I was tentatively scheduled for my FET on April 25. 

I ran the numbers, and if we were successful, I’d be due in mid-January. Good, I thought, not right in the middle of the holidays. 

I went in yesterday. Got up bright and early, had my blood drawn, and grabbed some breakfast before running some errands. 

Then I came home, peed, and realized I was spotting. 

Weird. Maybe it’s just a fluke though. But I called my nurse and gave her a heads up. She told me if I got my period for real over the weekend to come in on Monday for monitoring and we could get started right away. 

And wouldn’t you know it, Aunt Flo is here! On HER OWN! And with a fucking vengeance, might I add. Thirty days, exactly!

This NEVER happens. Countless rounds of clomid, and IUIs, and multiple rounds of IVF and not ONE started without prescription hormones. Left to my own devices, my baby maker could wait 60-100 days between cycles. 

And so today is CD1-ish, and I am shocked. I thought, and planned around, this happening in two more weeks. 

If my math is correct, my FET would be 4/11. 

That would make my due date New Years Day. 

But, oh, I’ve already been assured I’ll be delivered no later than 39 weeks. Also known as Christmas Day. 

So much for avoiding the holidays I guess. Fingers crossed for an extra present under the tree this year. 


Are You Pregnant

Family Game night, a few days ago, those were the first words out of my cousin’s mouth when she saw me.

No, I’m not. But I AM thinking about throwing this new shirt in the garbage, so thank you.

I know people mean well, and they’re excited I want to have another baby, but how is that EVER an appropriate question to ask someone? ESPECIALLY when you know they have a history of infertility?

“But you’re doing the fun part, right?!” was the follow-up question (in a room, that included my entire family).

Ummm, sure. Occasionally. I mean, we work, and have a two-year-old. AND ALSO WE DIDN’T GET PREGNANT THAT WAY FOR THREE YEARS, REMEMBER?!

And that’s why I’m blogging anonymously now. And being intentionally vague about my IVF timeline to people in the loop.

I’m tentatively scheduled for a FET on April 25. If it works, I’d be due in mid-January.

Are You Pregnant

This Time

The last time we did a round of IVF, everyone knew everything. 

Friends, family, acquaintances, coworkers, strangers at the grocery store. 

They knew (or at least pretended to understand) the process.  The timing.  They tried to be helpful and supportive.  They also said insanely insensitive things. 

It got to the point where I got tired of talking about it. You can only explain about the shots, and the monitoring, and the side effects so many times at the same family dinner. 

Once I was actually pregnant, I was either chastised for talking about it too early, or congratulated, but in a sort of, well, aren’t you supposed to be pregnant after all that? kind of way.

Once they knew we wanted to start again, it became the first thing anyone asked me about – and this time I’m playing dumb.

I guess it’s sort of a blessing this cycle was a bust, because now I really don’t know what’s going on, or when.

This time, if it works, I want to be able to surprise our friends and family with the good news. Like normal people do.  

This Time

About Me

I’m a wife and mother.

I’m a 30-something, life-long East Coaster. I’m an ice cream, cheeseburger, and french fry aficionado.

I love television, and pop culture, and bad pop music.

I had a blog before, and if you’re here because I followed you, it’s because you followed me there too, at some point.

But that blog wasn’t anonymous, and I always regretted that.

Sometimes you just want to bitch about IVF, or your family, or use insane amounts of profanity.

And so, here we are.

About Me