Here We Go Again

After another uneventful week, I went to the bathroom today and saw bright red blood. 

Last time, it wasn’t this bad. It was like, barely pink-tinged toilet paper. 

This was bright red, and heavy, with some little clots.  

The good news? I’m not cramping (although my back IS killing me) and it seems to be slowing down. I already had another ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow morning, and my clinic said unless it gets super heavy, just keep taking it easy. 

I’ve had losses in the past, and this doesn’t feel like they did, but obviously I’m anxious to see what’s happening tomorrow. Please keep your fingers crossed for us. 

Second Ultrasound

We had our second ultrasound this morning, and everything looked perfect!

Baby was measuring 7w4d and had a heartbeat of 155.

I’m still not feeling much in terms of morning sickness, other than a general lack of appetite, but my sore boobs and overall exhaustion are on-going so I guess that’s something.

I thought after today’s appointment they’d release me to my OB, but they said they like to take another look closer to 8 weeks, so I’ll go back one more time in a week.

I Knew It

Yesterday — Mother’s Day — I just felt off. 

We told my in-laws about the pregnancy, and later my grandmother and immediate family. 

And then I went to the bathroom, and saw blood. 

I knew that would happen. I knew I would tell people, and that would happen. 

My back had been bothering me all day, like it would before I got my period. I was never really crampy, I felt more irritated than anything else. 

I left Mother’s Day dinner and came home and laid down. The spotting never got any worse, and I haven’t had any yet today, so that’s a relief. 

I know that there’s a lot going on in there, and bleeding is not uncommon (I had little bout of spotting with my last pregnancy as well), and some of the medication I’m taking will make any bleeding I have look worse than it really is. 

I also know, if something bad is going to happen, it’s just going to happen. There’s nothing I can do or could have done differently. 

My next ultrasound is scheduled for Friday when I’ll be 7w5d. I’m waiting to hear back from my nurse to see if they want me in sooner. 

And so we wait. 

Now the Paranoia Sets In

My next ultrasound isn’t until next Friday (the 13th, of course).

Meanwhile, I’m still symptom spotting like a mofo.

The Good: My boobs hurt, and I’m pretty tired all the time.

The Bad: That’s it. I feel like I was way more nauseous by now when I was pregnant with my now-toddler (but that could have started closer to 8 weeks? Damn it, why didn’t I write that down somewhere!). Food was pretty unappealing about a week ago (which made me happy) but now I just feel ravenous all the damn time (and I feel like that’s a bad sign?)

Logically, I know that once you see a heartbeat, your risk of miscarrying is pretty low.

I also know that every pregnancy is different.

Plus, there are all those ladies who end up on TLC giving birth on toilets because they had no idea they were even pregnant — so I guess my point is, not every pregnant person always feels pregnant.

A Sigh of Relief

We had our first ultrasound this morning, and we saw a beautiful beating heart, and a little lump, measuring 6w1d!

Due date: December 25.

Beta #4: Looking Up?

Beta number four was 1964.

So, a better rise than last time, still not doubled (but I know this is when that starts slowing down) and juuuuuuuust under what my RE considers average (66%).

But Dr. Google says its within normal range, so I don’t know what to think. ⤴️

The good news is, at this point blood tests aren’t going to tell us much more, so I’ll have my first ultrasound on Tuesday, and we’ll see what’s going on in there.

My nurse said if things look ok, and I’m measuring close to on time, I can expect weekly scans until they release me to my OB.

I am cautiously optimistic. My very first pregnancy, a chemical pregnancy, never made it to the third beta. I started bleeding almost as soon as they said, “these numbers don’t look good.”

They’re not saying that this time. I’m just a “smidge below normal,” but I have “a nice curve going on,” so I’m trying not to worry.

Beta 1: 216
Beta 2: 870 (96 hours)
Beta 3: 1208 (48 hours)
Beta 4: 1964 (48 hours)⤵️

Fingers crossed for Tuesday.

Waiting

I had my fourth beta draw this morning. 

My RE’s office wasn’t crowded, so I’m hoping I get the call earlier rather than later. 

My superstitious brain thinks earlier is better. Betas 1 and 2, I got the call before noon. Beta 3, came after 2. And all day that day I thought, “she’s waiting to call me last, because the news must be bad.”

So earlier is better, I hope. 

Despite all that, I’m surprisingly calm. 

1) The pressure is off this time, since I have a beautiful 2-year-old. I’m still fertility-challenged, but I’m not barren anymore. 

2) If the numbers are bad today, then it’s likely a chromosonal issue (we opted against PGS due to cost) and we knew that was a possibility. There’s nothing I could’ve done differently to change the outcome, and that is a relief. 

And so, we wait. 

Beta #3: Not Great

Today’s beta did not double. It did go up, so I’m trying not to panic.

Now, if I ignore the second beta and use all the numbers from my first and third, the numbers look much better.

And so I have to go back AGAIN on Friday, and until then I will sit here, mostly terrified.

Beta #2

My HCG increased from 216 to 870! 

I go back again for a third draw on Wednesday, and if everything looks ok, our first ultrasound would be towards the end of next week (just in time for Mother’s Day!)

Beta Day

9dp5dt / 11dp5dt / 13dp5dt

Just got the call from my RE and my Beta was 216!

I’m a little paranoid because 1) when I was pregnant the last time my first Beta was in the 400s, and 2) they told me not to come back until MONDAY for my second draw.

Plus, this is our first cycle back. I know plenty of people who have luck the first time, but that was never, ever, us. So I’m having a hard time believing this could be the real thing.